Alright, it is time to fess up all you previously pregnant woman out there. They make you take a vow don't they. A vow that you will never tell a newly expectant woman what is truly in store for her until she experiences it for herself. It must be part of the delivery process. Perhaps while you await the birth of the placenta or something. They make you raise your right hand and swear on your newborns life that you will never divulge the true meanings of pregnancy. Am I right??? Because until now, these are the "meanings" I was aware of:
#1 Morning sickness. What a joke. Morning my eye. I used to think that you could solve this one by keeping a stack of crackers in your nightstand. Now I know it has nothing to do with morning, noon, or night. You can be sick all the time anytime. It will make you want to wish food were dead and sometimes even you were dead. It will give you anxiety to set food in a grocery store or even your own kitchen. Sure, I can stuff crackers in until the cows come home but in the end, it always wins. (the other day I was even feeling like Eogo in Aladdin and thinking, "If I eat one more cracker I might hurt someone"). It should be called constant nauseousness with intermittent vomiting... and if you are lucky enough an occasional visit to the EU for some fluids because you are like a two year old and can't even do the simple act of sipping water every hour.
#2 Fatigue. So yeah, I've felt fatigue. I've run long runs and had long days and been tired. But this, oh this is like sleeping 18 hours a day and still being ready for bed. This is waking up at 10:00 am and crawling back into bed for a nap at noon. This is going from working out for 1 1/2 hours everyday to missing the gym for 2 months. This is going from loving being busy to hoping your day consists of one thing: sleep. How about we call it hermit hibernation mode or something like that.
#3 Heartburn. I am lucky. I didn't even know what heartburn felt like. My esophageal sphincter is a peach....until now. Really, do I need to taste bile all day long? Do I need the tiny amount of food I finally got shoved down to sit in my throat all day just waiting to come up? Is it necessary to burp like a beer bellied sailor? Do I really need to sleep with three pillows behind my head and wake up with a kinked neck. I think it should be called burping bile burn with a twist of epigastric pain.
I just want to know the truth. Will I have to take this vow? If so, I am getting this down on paper now so I don't forget next time.
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17 comments:
Haha!! I love this post. Congrats again you guys! This is so exciting. There is also a vow for the recovery afterwards that no one tells you about. I'm guessing that since you're a nurse though, you probably already know all the details of that. I hope you start feeling better soon.
Ahh, yes...I remember those days. Ahem. Just wait until the last trimester when you're so hungry you could eat a horse but your stomach is in your throat and you can only fit in a bite. Or when Baby decides to practice dance moves on your bladder, against your ribs, and various other organs at all times during the day. Or when your husband, family member, friend, complete stranger has to give you a hand (or a shove) to get out of your chair because your body prevents any momentum.
So, there...now you're initiated. ;)
And by the way, many, many CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you guys!
Isn't it fun? :)
Honestly I could take a pill and sleep through the first trimester, wake up to enjoy the second, and sleep through the third. First trimester really is the worst. It's totally worth it though! And then you'll experience a whole new level of exhaustion when you're up at night feeding a baby. But watching your newborn sleep is one of the greatest moments of your life. And it only gets better from there! (Until potty training.)
Enjoy the journey, dear. And congrats! You really are going to be a fantastic mom, Linzi!
i'm so sorry linz! you seem to have it worse than a lot of people. maybe that means your delivery will be a piece of cake! :) as far as the vow...ha. so funny. i think the sweet little baby at the end helps make it seem like it wasn't so bad.
*ahem* Just wait until the second one and you have all of the above listed but add to that :make sure other child eats, and bathes and survives while you are barfing and sleeping. Oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to say anything. Crap.
Congratulations on your future baby! Sorry you aren't feeling well. I think there are way too many unpleasant surprises associated with motherhood and it would take to long to share them, so everyone keeps quiet. I will always tell you the truth. In the meantime, skip "What to Expect" and check out "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" (I think that's the name) for a more honest account. Also, here's my post on the subject:http://maximumbrainjail.blogspot.com/2010/01/whats-grosser-than-gross.html
congrats you two! we are very exciting for you guys.
funny post. promise no one is keeping secrets. i think we just forget what it was like! why would we do it over and over again?
Mint chocolate chip ice-cream is the best thing to throw up. Just eat a spoonful before you think it’s going to happen. It makes the whole experience better. Congrats!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so happy for you two!
congratulations!!! have you tried preggo pops or just sucking on a mint or chewing a mint flavored gum? or they have wrist bands that put pressure on a pressure point that supposedly helps nausea i've heard works well.
This post and all of these comments are awesome...and so true! You're pretty clever to have figured out the vow of silence already - such a smart cookie! It's all so very true - and so very awful - and so very wonderful - all wrapped into one. I cannot WAIT to get my hands on this little Chrinzi!
(P.S. You should see what they make you do to keep the nightmares of breastfeeding a secret...)
Linzi,
Congrats!
I'm with Wendy. The reason that you take a vow of silence when you waiting to deliver the placenta is indeed so that you will give you firstborn the best gift of their life: a sibling or two.
I remember thinking that it just wasn't fair that people told me the probably experiences, but they were exaggerating. Or perhaps, they didn't want to be pregnant as much as I do, so they couldn't "deal" like I could. I am sorry! First trimester is the WORST!!!!!!!!
Best wishes!
One truth that we are told to not divulge is that first trimester lasts until week 30 and third trimester starts at week 26. Just so you know. I may not be around to tell you in person if the pregnancy truth police find me. :)
Linzi~ Try drinking milk. For some strange reason milk always helped my upset stomach. I had morning sickness for 5 months. It's not fun at all. Heartburn is horrible but the good thing I have heard about that is your baby will have lots of hair. I live of tums and have through out my pregnancy. I carry some with me at all times just in case. As for sleep, you will get some while in your 4-6th month. But once you get into your last trimester it will get worse so take as many naps now as you can. It's part of getting you ready for the baby. ;0)
Ok. Just reading the sentence above, "Try drinking milk," made me almost vomit. In other words, I feel your pain. It is awful, I know, because I am there with you.
What you said about the grocery store, and your own kitchen, so true. I too can't even look at food sometimes, let alone make myself eat it while I can already imagine what it'll taste/smell like when it comes back up, and I swear every fragrance I plug into our wall just smells like urine to me. We are adopting our next child. I'm being serious.
No one tells you how hard morning-noon-and-night sickness is, how uncomfortable pregnancy is, how painful and long labor is, that an epidural can stop working unexpectedly, and that breastfeeding can be the hardest skill in the world to master.
I'm with you, I think our mothers owed it to us to fess up about the realities of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood, BEFORE we started having our own kids. Being prepared is better than getting one horrible surprise after another. If we knew the truth, then maybe reality wouldn't be so hard and shocking. I think they were just trying to protect us maybe? Well, at least we can give our own kids the real power of truth.
Ok, I did lose it from thinking about drinking milk after all. Yum. Sometimes even the smallest things can trigger the wrath of pregnancy hormones. But that's not why I'm commenting again.
THIS is why: Ginger, mint, snacking all day...yes, they can help, but everyone is different, and they don't solve the problem. The only thing that's sorta helped me is to be on Phenergan and Zofran, taken together every 4 hours. I still throw up a couple times a day, and feel nausea most of the day/night, but it's been keeping me off IVs, since it's allowing me to keep most of what I eat/drink down. If you can get your doc to approve it, it might be worth a shot for you :)
We cheer you on from afar...
Linzi, you make me laugh! I'll tell you all the truths no mother will tell you if you really want me to spoil the fun?! Hang in there girl, because even though pregnancy is horrible (I don't know a single woman that loves it!) the end result is well worth the torture for 9 months. And in time you will return to the gym, maybe after your child is 14 months old and the sleep deprivation is finally wearing off! And by the time your body has forgotten all these aches and pains you'll be ready for another ;)
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